Journal Entry #13
October 3rd, 2013
Finding words are hard today. Not to mention, I woke up feeling ill. Miles has complained that a handful of people are sick at work. Now that I’m not in the workplace on a regular basis, I’m thinking I’ve picked up something that he’s brought home. Sickness is dragging me down this morning which seems to be feeding my sorrow a little deeper today. I don’t like the feeling at all.
Today was the perfect day to take it easy, and let the idea that I birthed a few days ago consume me. I have never been one for scrapbooking, but after losing Zach, I decided I wanted to make an album for him. Memories…the way I felt when I found out that I was expecting, the preparations his father and I had begun to make…the way he touched my life those few short months. Even though the album had nearly 20 pages, I knew I could fill each one. There were so many words, thoughts, and memories I wanted to release onto paper.
So I will sit. I will take the time to sort through the hurt even though my heart begs me not to. It’s hard to touch the hurt, scorching my broken spirit like red hot daggers. But what is life without emotion? Zach has shown me emotion, he has molded me into who I am today. Forever changed by the gentle curve of his tiny frame, the way his little hand fit within mine even though it lay perfectly still. It was still perfect.
I will find joy in the moment of remembrance. Of knowing that I am a mother to a precious boy who I will one day gaze upon again, and love for eternity. That gives me relief…that gives me a reason to move forward.
Written and owned by Valerie King at http://www.valeriekingbooks.com