Journal Entry #8
September 12th, 2013
Saturday the 14th is our seven year wedding anniversary. Seven years celebrating the life we wove together as one, yet this year I feel farther from my husband than ever before. Becoming parents to Zach was supposed to change us for the better, to strengthen the bond even further. Instead it has pushed us a part.
I don’t feel normal. I feel broken. This morning I sat quietly in our home office, legs curled beneath me, a fleece throw around my frame even though it was eighty degrees just outside my window. Despite the temperature, I often feel chilled to the bone with despair. As I sipped my coffee slowly, my eyes fell upon a sparrow that landed on the windowsill, chirp loud and strong as it filled the quiet that consumed the house. Miles had already left for work long before I had ever willed myself out of bed.
Watching the tiny, magnificent feathered friend with wonder, I thought of what it might be like to fly. To spread my wings and become one with the wind. As my mind mirrored these reflections, I thought of how free it must feel to just “be”.
As I watched the tiny bird take flight, leaving me with a fleeting image of his presence, I continued to marvel at the simplicity of life. How delicate and freeing it really is. Life is not limitless. It is limited. We don’t have forever, we have only a few moments.
My eyes traced the platinum wedding band on my ring finger. I remember the moment Miles slipped it on my hand in front of three hundred guests as words of promise fell from his lips. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to love and rediscover promises in happiness and in heartache.
I had taken flight with Miles nearly seven years ago. We had spread our wings and promised to fly together as one. With regret, I knew I had left his side and taken a different course on life, drifting across the breeze alone where I felt safe and secure in the memory of Zach. But life is not limitless. Life is limited.
Saturday is our seven year wedding anniversary. Who says we can’t find flight together again in a new direction. A direction of remembrance, but also rediscovery. I smiled at the thought this morning as I rose to my feet, flipping open my day planner and drawing a heart across the date 9/14/13.
I unleashed the gate of rediscovery in that moment. I took flight as a new woman, Zach’s face on my mind, and my heart in my husband’s hands. Loss had stolen me, but love could rekindle my spirit. I just had to remind myself how loved I truly was.
Written and owned by Valerie King at http://www.valeriekingbooks.com